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Diary of a padayatri
November-December
quote:
vipadam santu tan sasvat tatha tatha jagad-guru
bhavato darsanam yat syad apunar bhava-darsana
I wish that all those calamities would happen again and again so that we could see You again and again; for seeing You means that we will no longer see repeated birth and death.
[SB1.8.16]
In calamities we can realize more that this world is a place of duality, a place of danger; still- it is a place where I witness that Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu is fully manifesting His mercy. "matra sparsa tu Kaunteya" [BG 2.14]
The happiness and distress are like the seasons changing weather- they arise from sense perceptions and a sober person must learn to tolerate them by seeing the absolute reality.
As karmis, devotees, preachers-whatever line of service; we will all face difficulties and under any circumstance, happiness or distress is the mercy of the Lord upon His devotee. To become a devotee and ask the Lord for protection from distress is a position of trying to become master and not servant...rather to demand something of the Lord means we would like the Lord to serve us. It is better to let the Lord do as He wills, knowing that in any circumstance we must carry on with our service....
In this moment, the difficulties reveal to us the potency of the mercy of the sankirtana mission.
Dec. 6
I have been seeing Kana different in these days of rest here in the plot of land nearby Madero, Tamaulipas, where we have been for some weeks resting a sprained ankle. Something that has sporatically been manifesting since we have entered Mexico. Now, in these past few days he is not eating regularly, and his breathing is consistently too fast. Everyone including veterinarians have said it is simply the humidity and heat (he has started to grow his winter coat out of habit and it´s summer weather-tropical) but i don´t believe it because he was fine in the heat of Texas and his demeanor is not the same. Tonight the vet came again to check up on him and i mention my concern again, so he checked out a few things but was unable to detect any symptoms of disease. The vet said "don´t worry, it´s just the change of weather". sleep at 11:00.
Dec. 7
After mangala aroti candrabhaga inform me that Kana´s face is swollen....Hare Krsna, his face is big....the vet came at 11:00 am and gives some antibiotic, thinking it to be an infection. But by afternoon Kana is worse, he didin´t eat yesterday or today and now his face and mouth are too swollen, he can`t even drink water. The doctor came in the evening and tried to give some medicine, but the prognosis is not good....it seems there is a bacteria in the blood that has entered through the food and water here in Mexico and the red blood cells have "eaten" the white hemoglobin and the whole system is invaded. The doctor cannot give more medicine because the veins are too weak. candrabhaga has been with him all day and night chanting japa and out of anxiety cannot eat or rest, our pain is also increasing seeing him.
I pray, "Oh, my Lord is Kana going to leave his body?? We really need his help and association, still we have thousands of miles ahead to carry on with this padayatra....do as You like, but please bless me to see every action as Your will and to participate enthusiastically with Your will." Kana is in a fenced area just in front of the wagon and the Deities and we check him periodically; he is standing there in front all night.....
Dec. 8 Ekadasi
Kana is worse but still he is not moving from his place in front of the Deities. At around 9 am we begin a kirtana, seeing he is sitting down, --suddenly he got back up again and the vet arrived and was able to put more medicine, let´s see.... it´s very painful to see a Vaisnava suffering.
The morning was cool, and now as the day progresses the sun comes out and it´s getting hot. Kana is getting worse, so i try to move him to the shade- but he doesn`t want! he returns to his spot in front of the Deites and there he lays down. We begin kirtana again, it`s getting heavy. Suddenly he gets up again, as a sign of respect in a position to be ready to serve the Lord; he can`t even walk and barely support himself but looking at him you will see his eyes sober and strong.
Among devotees and a roaring kirtana and Ugra Nrsimha mantras, with a japa mala on his neck, caranamrita and tilak on his body, on this Utpanna Ekadasi, our Kana das brahmacari gave up his mortal body to attain his spiritual body looking at Sri Sri NitaiGaurasundara, or rather working in such a way that the Deities glanced upon him.
...ye anilo premadana... ...we are reminded of the great hero who also fell in battle:
quote:Bhisma uvaca: "At the moment of death let my ultimate attraction be to Sri Krsna. Those who saw Him on the battlefield of Kuruksetra attained their original form after death."
[SB 1.9.40]
Prabhupada stated in a conversation at Kumbha Mela in 1977 after visiting the Padayatra traveling sankirtana bullock cart [looking at the oxen carrying the Lord] in a grave voice say that "These living entities at the time of leaving the body will go directly back to Godhead because they have been day after day carrying Sri Sri NitaiGaurasundara in this sankirtana mission".
Kana certainly received the mercy of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu.
Kana!! you have left your body as Prabhupada said in the front line as a soldier of the sankirtana mission; preaching on the roads of an alien country without any other shelter than Sri Sri NitaiGaurasundara and Ugra Nrsimha trying until your last breath to facilitate the expansion of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu`s mercy.
Not only the words of Srila Prabhupada- which are enough, but what to speak of the auspicious day of Ekadasi, with the holy name, Tulasi, japa mala, and most auspicious to be recognized by the Lord by being glanced upon DIRECTLY at the time of your departure, fit for such a great soul. I pray that Their Lordships have a slight amount of that mercy upon me! You conquered the illusion of the material world by your selfless service- helping Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu give mercy to millions of jivas throughout 5,000 kilometres of mountains, plains, beaches, semi-desert,tropical, hot, humid, cold weathers without complaint; you attained the perfection of life by day after day hearing the holy name, taking prasadam (especially sweet rice) living a life of renunciation and sacrifice for the sankirtana mission where your only shelter was Krsna. You called the attention of the Supreme Personality of Godhead through your service. Many times I saw the mercy of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu acting toward you, and was a great priviledge to share all these adventures with you in the thick and thin; we were there trying to serve the mission. Today you have left and I stay.....for me to witness the causeless mercy of the Lord manifested in your departure is a source of impetus and inspiration to continue cultivating my desire to fully surrender to His lotus feet! And i remember the words of HH Bhakti Tirtha Maharaja back in the pasture of Gita Nagari... "we don`t realize how great fortunate souls are these horses"....now i do!! Following in the footsteps of Narottama das Thakura, tears of seperation after your departure....
"vancha kalpa tarubhyas ca krpa sindhubhya eva ca patitanam pavanebhyo vaisnavebhyo namo namah"
your servant and friend, Avadhuta Siromani das
As far as the moving of padayatra, some how or other we must continue. It will require a whole overhaul of the structure, which will take time, laxmi, enthusiasm, and help in a place where people are not at all devotionally minded. For now we sit and chant and wait for the way which the Lord will manifest the moving on...
HARE KRSNA
Jwala Nrsimha padayatra!
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